Fernie, BC

I had never driven a Chrysler PT Cruiser before. In truth I had always regarded the PT Cruiser as something of a joke.  A piece of poofter retro. The Hunchback of Notredame of cars.  But that’s what the team from Thrifty Rent-A-Car at Calgary Airport had served up to me so I was resigned to driving the thing. At least I would be able to make a properly informed judgment instead of trotting out my well worn prejudices.

For the three weeks prior to my arrival in Calgary I had been  blundering around Aspen variously in a Jeep Cherokee and a Chrysler Suburban – a sort of aeroplane hanger on wheels; the only vehicle to have its own post code.  The Suburban was so big that the Weather Channel issues a special bulletin for it…  Both these were owned by a friend. Both had four wheel drive and studded tyres, great on snow and ice.  I had come to enjoy the sort of glued down feeling of security which these vehicles engendered.  No sliding through stop signs and broadsiding on corners in these motors.  No Surrrrr.

The PT Cruiser was surprisingly smooth, not a bit like the type of fifties try-hard its designers were attempting to mimic.  The gear stick… err stick shift, was an art deco white plastic ball perched on top of a chromium shaft that disappeared into the metal gate of the auto transmission – another departure from the Elvis era.

Exiting the Thrifty lot and onto to the heated access road went very smoothly.  It’s nice the way they heat roads to melt snow and ice around airports in North America.  Only in the immediate vicinity mind you but it’s still nice.

The exit road ended at a set of lights which were my gateway to Highway 2 South, a three lane ribbon of icy white which headed down into the Canadian Rockies to Fernie and the powder snow I was chasing.  The lights moved from green to amber as I approached so I needed to hurry to get through and turn left.

Half way through my one hundred and eighty degree sliding spin on the slick ice I found time to reflect on a couple of things.  The mighty PT is apparently a front wheel drive and certainly wasn’t fitted with studded tyres.  I could tell by the effortless way the front broke away.   I also thought of the conversation I had had only a little while ago with the young lady at the rental desk.

“Surr, will you be wanting to take collision damage insurance?”

“No thank you.” I replied.  “I’ve never taken collision damage waiver insurance over all the years I have been renting cars.  I have saved more than enough by doing that to cover myself in the unlikely event of an accident..  In any case what is the max I would be up for without the waiver?”

“The full value of the vehicle Surr”

“The full value?  It’s usually two or three grand or something.”

“Surr here it’s the full value.”

Not feeling quite so confident in my decision I nevertheless pressed on. No need to lose face I thought.

“I’m still comfortable with that thanks.”

“Hey Billy.”  She was talking to the next desk operator along the line.

“This guy’s going to take out the PT without CDW.”

“No CDW on a PT?” Billy was incredulous.  “Where’s he takin it? Shouldn’t be a problem if he’s only goin’ to mosey around here in the parking lot.”

“Said he’s going to Fernie though the Crows Nest Pass.”

“Hey buddy.”  Billy was talking to me now. “You been through the Pass before?”

“No but I’ve driven in alpine conditions in Australia and I’m ok with it.”

Billy whistled softly, smiled and made a sort of twirling, he’s mad, kind of gesture with his finger alongside his head.

“Well good luck buddy”. Said Billy, shaking his head.

At that point I remembered thinking that I wouldn’t take CDW now even if was offered free – who did these dickwads think they were anyway?

It’s funny how you can think about such things while wrestling an out of control PT Cruiser on ice.

It must have given the guy a terrible fright who was driving the Mac,  cab-over-eight, double boggy, twin-trailer fully loaded log truck when he suddenly found himself bearing down on a PT Cruiser coming towards him on the wrong side of the road. Absolutely hilarious.

As luck would have it, the sideways component of the slide was sufficient to ensure that the PT Cruiser came safely to a stop on the highway dividing strip.

I decided to pop back into Thrifty before continuing my journey. I needed to use the washrooms to clean up a bit and to change my underwear.

“Hey Billy bro… good to see you again buddy.  I’ve been thinking about that insurance thing…”